It is Saturday night, and I’m home.  I was invited to go out for a hookah by this Jewish man who has fear to fall in love with me or to get serious with me because I’m not Jewish and he needs to be with a Jewish woman.  I ended up not making to the place which I think was for the best.  I did want to see him since he would be leaving this week to Israel to visit his family.  I knew him from last year, and we stayed in contact through social media.  

What happened to the man in Paris?  I did go to Paris in October last year.  It was wonderful.  He was busy with work for the most part, but I met new friends there and he did his best to make time for me.  It is a long story and I need to write a separate entry for that.  We did continue the communication by text messages and video calls for about four months, then there were two weeks of no contact this March.  I was testing him, and I also got busy.  He did text me first, saying I had forgotten about him.  He said he got busy too as he was in the process of changing his career or business.  It has been two weeks since then and we are starting to talk again, but not as often as we would before.  I think I kind of have taken a step back too.  It could have been the mercury retrograde, or the fact that long-distance relationship (I’m not even sure if this is a long distance relationship or if he even refers to me as his girlfriend) is difficult.  

I remember that morning when he drove me to Charles de Gaulle airport, I was trying not to shed a tear, but I was sad to leave him.  I finally shed tears in the plane before we took off.  I remember I texted him, “I’m really sad leaving.. I really came to see you and spend time with you.. not for Paris..”  He responded that he missed me already and enjoyed spending time with me.  “Je suis vraiment habitué avec toi,” which means he got used to me.  I felt the same way.  I stayed with this man for nine days.  Although, I was alone most of the time during the day, strolling on the streets of Paris, I will never forget those times I was with him– watching him have his simple French breakfast before he leaves for work, listening to his French carefully as I was learning the language, having dinner with him, sitting in his car as he plays Berber music on our way to the city of Deauville (that two days he did not work) in the Normandy region, and walking around La Tour Eiffel or the Eiffel Tower with him.  

I had a plan to go back to Paris in March for a week.  He knew I had time off in March.  I tried to make a plan with him to go to Dubai or Algeria instead of staying in Paris.  He tried to find someone to take care of his business, but he was not able to find anyone.  I was disappointed and thought he did not care to see me.  That was in January.  My ex-boyfriend got in the picture, and that was how I started to text him less often, less communication.  I was also testing him, like I said, to see if he would be reaching out first, and he did, just in time when I was realizing my ex-boyfriend would always stay the same and would always have a problem owning his own mistakes and making things right.  I realized then that this Paris man could be sincere with his feelings for me.  He explained that his new career would give him more free time to do things such as traveling with me and spending more time with me in Paris.  That was very sweet of him to say that.  He is very open to express his feelings which I’m not used to.  Perhaps I have not had any boyfriends in the past ten years who are just very kind with words and open.  But then again, I’m not sure if we have a future together, or if he is seeing other women in Paris.  When I talked about him with my friends, they were not supportive of our long distance relationship and for the difference with religion as well.  That is another long story.  

Currently, I consider myself single, and I am fine with that.  I cherished and am appreciative of all the memories I created with my ex-boyfriend, the Paris man, and all other men I have dated.  I also enjoyed knowing the Jewish man but will only remain friends with him.  In the past two weeks, I have been thinking about love and marriage.  They are both complicated subjects.  I have also been reading a lot of spiritual materials.  I started years ago actually, but I have been listening more often now to spiritual talk and teachers.  With that said, I think I’m starting to just go with the flow of where life is taking me.  I do not want to feel the pressure that I need to be married soon, and of course, I need to find “the one” first.  

My plan is just to enjoy life, live in the moment, cherish the people in my life, stay positive, and stay optimistic about love.  Although as a Libra, the hardest part is staying single, I believe the past two years have really taught me how to stand on my ground and live my life, with or without a man.  I also believe in astrology, and I strongly feel that this month of April, with the new moon in Aries and full moon in Libra, is a new beginning for me as it opens up a lot of positive energy and wonderful possibilities.  April will surely be interesting.  We shall see..